Have You Ever Heard of Ayahuasca?
I spent two years trapped in my thoughts, my mind set to living in the future: major anxiety.
My mind would look back to when I was fine, when life was a joy. This habit-loop of looking back toward happy memories caused depression to kick in…
I would lock myself in my room–I was looking for answers and living in fear.
Innumerable doctors prescribed all kinds of medication to me. Prozac being the worst. Prozac captured my mind; it locked my focus on death–for three months, suicide permeated my thinking. Thanks Prozac.
This wasn’t how life should be, I deserved more. I kept searching. I was open to anything. Anything that would work to bring the joy back. Seeking advice, looking for help, I sought any information I could.
A Chat Forum Sets me on a Journey
On a chat forum one night–it was a forum for people with problems–something, a word, leaped out. It more or less slapped me in the face. Some guy responded to my plight.
“Have you ever heard of Ayahuasca?”
I thought, what is Ayahuasca? Looking back now, it seems, via the forum, Ayahuasca called out to me. Thanks to the tip I’d got on the forum, I began to research about ayahuasca. Could it help me? If so, where can I try it? Is it safe?
Is ayahuasca safe medically?
“I think ayahuasca is quite safe medically, but because it’s a powerful psychoactive drug, it should be used only under the supervision of someone familiar with its effects. I do not advise using it casually or recreationally, nor should it be used in jurisdictions where it is illegal or its legality is in question. It can be psychologically risky if taken under wrong circumstances.” —Andrew Weil, M.D
I had nothing to lose but my life. I would have to fly to Peru to have the opportunity to try Ayahuasca.
My research had turned up a place called the Hummingbird Center (located outside of Iquitos, Peru in the center of the Amazon), which, via even more research, I felt good about going to–it’d be the place of my first Ayahuasca experience.
Within two weeks of seeing the word Ayahuasca, I had booked my flight to Lima without telling anyone in my family because I was afraid they would talk me out of going. Finally, three days before I flew, I told my family what I had planned.
My mum broke down in tears; my sister was a mess; my dad said, “You are insane.”
It was my last hope. I was shitting my pants.
The Journey Unfolds in Peru
I finally arrived at the Iquitos airport, where an Australian bloke met me and ferried me to the Hummingbird Center.
When I arrived, I was asked to go for a private talk in the moloca with two shamans and the owner of the Hummingbird. I opened-up fully, like never before, and broke down into tears. I thought–fuck it–I’m going to tell them every thing I feel, every crazy thought I’ve had leading up to this, and how I was destroying my family back home. They listened and then let me leave.
I felt good for being honest to myself.
The next night was my first ceremony, there were about 12 people who all sat in a circle. The sounds of the rainforest buzzed all around us. Moonlight cast the shadows of every tree onto the moloca floor. I had a mattress, some water and a vomit bucket.
Time was up. My name was called out. I walked up and drank the mucky brown spine shivering brew, and then I returned to my mattress and sat cross legged, waiting for the effects.
The Medicine Takes Hold
Forty minutes after ingesting the brew, I started to see things moving.
My body felt cold. I needed to pee. I got up and started to stumble to the door feeling dizzy. I walked up to a tree and let it out; this is when I started to notice the medicine beginning to work much stronger: the plants were moving. I returned back to my mattress and laid down. A sense of fear and tension overcame me. Dark objects and patterns came into my visions.
I began to think that my journey was a big mistake; that coming all this way to take some brew I’d heard about in a forum was a big mistake.
But, then, a beautiful voice started to sing.
My hearing was intensified and the voice, a female voice, was so powerful. The singing caused my visions to change into pure vibrant colours and my heart felt like it was going to explode. Somehow her voice made me surrender to my tension and fear. Her powerful voice filled me with joy. I was shot into a different world and was shown myself, who I was and what I had been doing to hurt others.
The experience lasted six hours. It altered my thinking and opened my heart in a way I had never experienced before in my life. My whole perspective on life changed.
I couldn’t wait to talk to someone and tell them how I felt and what I had seen: This first ceremony changed my life forever.
When I returned home I met my family with a huge smile and an open heart. They couldn’t believe my transformation. I was crying with joy just to see there faces.
A New Life
After being home for two weeks, my father and I went on a trip together. We visited Thailand and Vietnam. I passed a skydiving and scuba diving course; I never would have contemplated trying these things before. The medicine, ayahuasca, had transformed my life.
When I returned home from Southeast Asia, after two months, I was not feeling myself. I began to realise that what I was eating had a huge impact on how I felt; also, alcohol was bringing back the negative thoughts.
I remembered about someone I had met in Iquitos who was now a close friend, Matej. He had practised yoga and meditation for ten years, my mind clicked at the thought of him and the next day I sent him an email–I began to start my own practise of yoga, my heart reopened and the same feelings I experienced when I heard heard the song in the ayahuasca ceremony came flooding back into my body!
I have now been practising yoga for just over a year and stick to a clean diet. I’ve discovered some great herbs and super foods. I’m also waking-up to the truth of our society. I’m freeing myself from the matrix haa!
Now I find myself always full of energy, and I have helped many people going through the same difficulties–many of my close friends have come to me for advice due to my story and transformation, my new freedom from depression.
At the end of the day, I believe that I suffered because I used to treat others like I was better than them; I ate in a horrendous manner, always going to places like McDonald’s and KFC; I was into drugs and listened to shit music.
I am happy that I went through all the suffering because, I now feel, it’s the best teacher, and it’s there for a reason. I now live my life with a totally different perspective.
Today, there are a few truths that guide my current life path:
- Service to others
- Surrender to tension
- Eat to fuel your body, not fill an appetite
- Do what you love doing everyday
- Let go of greed
- Listen to 432hz & 528hz frequency
About the Author
Ross James Brown’s life turned around after his ayahuasca experience. Skydiving, professional tree house building and other wandering the world are some of the things Ross has accomplished since recovering from depression–by his own account–thanks to ayahuasca’s healing power.